Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
