I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
