man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I miss vodka workout Fridays
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
