My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
last night I used snow as a chaser
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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