i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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