Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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