I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think I am morally bankrupt
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
