I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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