New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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