he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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