I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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