sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
