Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize