What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
