i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
