the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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