I can't breathe out the right side of my face
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
