idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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