AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
