Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize