I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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