i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
