Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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