My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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