Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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