Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I will be naked everywhere
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
