guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
