I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
