carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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