Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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