Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
