Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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