i think i have two assholes
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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