I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
