How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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