her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
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