The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
