Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize