My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
