I think I won the penis lottery.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
