our cab driver is having phone sex.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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