i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
