I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize