You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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