you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
