id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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