Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
