dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No...this little piggys going to the bar
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
