the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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