my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
