i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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