I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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