He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize