Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
