3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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