His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
