They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think your dad took our porno
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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