I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
