I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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