im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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