after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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