Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
