Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
