Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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