I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
