At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
