i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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