Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize