i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
