Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
