Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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