apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
