On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
