theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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