I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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