I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
