In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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