i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Found your dick twin last night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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