Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
