So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
