So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
