dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
