After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
