Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
