she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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