My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
