singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
