I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
