their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
