My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sorry about my life...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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