Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize