i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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