Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
