I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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