Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
