I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
